Out of the Woodwork

I have a Facebook page, and I have a lot of friends. I'm not one of those people who add everyone with the goal of having the most friends of anyone else on Facebook. No, almost all of my friends are people I know. People I went to church with. People I work with. People I went to school with: elementary, junior, high, college. People who blog. People who I know through gaming online. Close friends. Guys I have dated.

My church is big into networking, and it rubbed off on me. I like that I almost always know someone, who knows someone. That's how I get shit done with the least amount of effort. Work smarter, not harder.

With the changing of Facebook, they added these annoying little quizzes. Usually, I ignore them because I don't care what color crayon you are. I don't care if you should be living in Ireland but you never will because you are stuck in the Midwest the same way I am. Which 80's singer are you? Nope, don't care about that one either.

Occasionally, one quiz will catch my eye and I will do it. The outcome will usually be stupid, and I delete the quiz. One such quiz was "What Sexual Position Are You?"

To answer honestly, they all are. BUT, for the sake of the quiz, I took and ended up with doggie. I'm a lot more sexually outgoing than that, so I was a little dismayed it wasn't something more spicy, like say, the wheel barrel or the reverse cowgirl. It occurred to me that whoever created the quiz might have just had two possible outcomes: missionary and doggie. Lame!

So, I took the quiz, and the result was posted (which I immediately deleted). The next day, I get a message from one of my Facebook friends. A guy I went to high school with. He alludes to my quiz result and speculates that I'm good in bed.

Mind you, I never dated this guy. We merely hung out with the same people. He had never made an attempt to communicate with me until now.

I respond in a vague affirmative, which probably was my mistake because the next time I was online, he pops up in chat and wants details. Then he brags about how great his dick is and how I would like it. I tell him that it takes a lot more than an impressive dick to seduce me.

He tells me that is not what he's looking to do. He just wants a fuck buddy. That same night.

Hmmm...so he doesn't want to get me turned on. He just wants to lay some pipe for the evening because no one else is available. Hit it and quit it. Wham bam, thank you, ma'am.

This tells me that as a lover, he's not concerned with his partner getting hers. This tells me that he's the kind of guy who's governed by his penis. This also tells me that he sucks in bed.

I'm insulted.

Really! Taking one dumb Facebook quiz on sex doesn't mean you are open and accepting all offers on sex. Especially from a guy who you haven't talked to in almost 20 years. I was a virgin until after I graduated high school, so it's not like I had a reputation back then.

Are you kidding me?

I told him to go fuck himself.