This weekend, newly minted boyfriend (I'll call him Dragon) is coming to visit from Chicago. Sure, we've met before and all, but this will be the first visit in a dating capacity.
And I am terrified.
It has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with me and my emotional junk that I bring that ruins every relationship I am in. I am afraid that I'm going to screw this up, too.
He's been very patient with me, but he is also so excited he can hardly contain himself. He and hie wife are both giddy about this new aspect in their life. She's already started talking to someone, and turns out that they have mutual friends who are also poly. Small world.
I can't help but be excited, then nervous. I'm worried that this all these feelings is just New Relationship Energy talking, and when the dust settles, things will just die. Will he get bored? Will him and his wife change their mind? What if I get bored? I don't want to hurt anyone.
In a few hours, I will pick him up at the airport, and the dance will begin in earnest. He's already thinking about long-term and the distance. Of course, with my job, I can relocate anywhere and find work. But I have family here. He has family there. I tell him that we will cross that bridge down the road and that there is no need to rush things. Right now, I think the distance is good. I think it will help keep me grounded in that I don't totally lose myself in this. That I can keep a clear head about things. Control of myself...I'm afraid of losing it.
But I really shouldn't think about all this right now. He's on his way here, and we are both excited to see where this goes, all with Queen Bee's full consent and blessing.
The arrangement doesn't feel weird to me. And that alone, I think, is weird.
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